Are children selfish and parents blind in their love? This question often passes my mind when I look around parents doing so many things for their children right from the time, they know they are expecting and children taking everything so lightly. In my own case the upbringing of twin children of both the gender has taught me so many lessons. I remember when people asked me what the best moment of my life was and I proudly answered, “I cannot forget the moments when I gave birth to twin children and that’s the best moment of my life.”
Children at Young age are vulnerable
At young age a child is vulnerable and hence it needs care and protection. Parents do it happily not just because it’s their duty but because they love the child and want to give their best. We have heard many stories of poor parents sacrificing everything of themselves to educate the child in the best school, parents providing comforts & fulfilling child’s wishes by taking great deal of pain, another parent going out of the way to save the child of some crisis in its life. These things sound normal and every parent is probably expected to do this.
Children in their Teenage want space
As the children grow, they start talking about space. The same child that wanted parents full time attention and stuck to them all the time, starts demanding space and privacy. They start telling the parents how stupid they are in their dressing, talking, eating and their behavior on many instances. They sometimes do not want parents to come to their school or disturb them when they are with their friends. They like spending more time with their friends and their priorities change. Even when the children are around, parents find them busy on their phones and gaming. It appears the only goal of the parents is to earn money to fulfill their child’s desires and that becomes the most important connection in their expression of love.
Children when they grow-up
Life keeps everyone busy and this goes without saying for the grown-up children too. Struggle for survival, competition, aspirations and the new relationships make the children so busy that the only time they get to talk to their parents is to complete the formality of inquiring about their well-being. There’s hardly any quality time spent to be genuinely together. Around this time the health of the parents also starts deteriorating and are not fit to run at the pace of their children, so things really change rapidly.
Pain that children understand only when they become parents
Tears that roll from mothers’ eyes each time she says ‘Goodbye’ to her child is out of love but not out of weakness. Every call she makes to check if the child had the meal and where-abouts is not to interfere but out of concern if the child stayed hungry and is safe. For a parent probably it’s not so much of a pain to do things for children and to spend away all their earnings for them than to see them insensitive to the pain they go through to do all this. Multiple incidents of contradicting parents and taking them for granted leaves them with long-time hurts that probably never heals. Most of the parents accept all this as a normal process of life and live with that.
Parents forget they have a life of their own
So, what’s the point I am trying to make here if everything is natural and justified on both the sides? Often in parenthood, we forget we are individuals going through different experiences and parenthood is just one among them. Parents let life revolve so much around the children and pleasing them that what parents wear, eat, travel and do is also done to please them. I have seen in the shops when the mother calls her daughter to check the picture and confirm if she can pick-up a certain dress for herself. I don’t understand when she has been shopping for everyone all her life, what makes her nervous about selecting her own dress. Waiting for children’s vacation time and their long-distance phone calls cannot be the only life of old-age parents.
Knowing when Project “Children” is over
Parents are eligible to be free to live their own life and create new goals once project “Children” is over. It’s important to choose when they want to be free and to mark when the project is over. When the children fly out of the nest, it’s time to celebrate as the parents are also free now. It should be a good feeling that the life they have brought to this planet has become something worth and will take its own flight. If the parents have imbibed good values, the child will surely be a good human-being and that’s all one can ask for. If the child ever comes back for support, being available with whatever one can do is a gesture of openness to accept things and not considering it as a burden. Clinging to the children and living their life in minds makes parents crippled and they become burden for their children.
Parent-Child Bonding & Sharing Happiness
Spending some quality time, a simple dialogue of understanding and a genuine touch of love is what fuels the family bonding to stay happy and positive in life. The togetherness experienced in the heart out of trust and being there for one-another is the result of long-term effort. One must sow these seeds very early in life and nurture it enough. Sharing happiness of togetherness gives a great deal of energy to fight any battle of life and to come out with flying colors. I believe that’s the essence of family relationships in this world.