Healthy Boundaries in Loving Relationships
Sudha came to her room and sat on the bed in great distress. She found herself totally lost. Mix of anger, helplessness and frustration all on her mind was making her feel terribly upset. This was not the first time that she felt totally disturbed and disconnected with her family.
Off late this repeated quite often. The values and the beliefs she had built in the family seems to be shaken up greatly as each member seems to be bearing a different thought process altogether. Especially communicating with her grown up children seems to be extremely difficult as it frequently ended up in arguments.
She cried for a while putting her head in the pillow. As the tears dried she started thinking backwards. For more than 20 years she stayed committed to the family and brought up the children, trying to meet their every need and demand both emotionally and financially along with her husband. However as they grew up society seem to have greater impact on them at times making them selfish and insensitive in the name of space and freedom though they were not unloving by nature.
Her son Bharat about 21, over a confrontation about his poor performance in academics told her “Why don’t you just leave me alone and let me do the things my own way? You are overly interfering in my life”. Sudha froze in this moment.
She felt she was impractical and misfit for the current world. Her husband was a busy businessman. He would often tell Sudha not to take these incidents to heart. Sudha always believed love and trust are important pillars of any relationship and transparency and expression helps improve it. That’s what she taught her children throughout.
Her daughter Shaila about 18 often tell her, “Even though we don’t want to be selfish, the people around make us think that way. Can’t help, just go with the flow.”
Sudha found people around her would manipulate values most easily without feeling a pinch. They were all fine while she had a problem with it. She felt she got to change something about herself. She drifted to sleep unknowingly.
Next morning Sudha was busy cooking. She had to catch up on time just to ensure the children get to eat something before they leave for their college. Just then Bharat came down the stairs and said, “Maa.. am leaving. Bye”. Sudha left what she was doing in the kitchen and came to him at the door and said “breakfast is ready why don’t you eat and go”. Bharat said, “Maa.. am late. I will eat at college. By the way I have taken Rs. 500 from your wallet” and walked out of the house. Sudha kept watching him as he left.
She finished cooking and got ready to go to work. She packed her lunch and arranged everything on the dining table for her family. She was out for a long day of work. She knew everything kept on the table will be as it is till she comes. She would still do it diligently.
Sudha finished her work at office and while driving back to home she again started thinking about what has been happened in the last few days. She decided to resolve it.
As she drove, she again saw the music shop she would pass every day. For a long time she wanted to pick up her favorite keyboard. But every time she felt she had no time or money to spend for it. Suddenly she stopped to turn to the parking slot and walked into the shop. She bought the best of it, put it in the car and proceeded towards home.
She was happy for some unknown reason. She thought of herself when she was a teenager; she was so bubbly and fearless. She did everything she wanted to do right from the selection of her dress to her career. After marriage something had changed about her. Somewhere she started living life from other’s point of view, could it be her husband, in-laws, parents or children. And the freedom and happiness faded under the burden of her-own interpretations.
Sudha thought, at 50 would anyone really mind if she lives life as per her wish just like the way she was when she was young and can she let everyone live the way they want to without any judgements?
She had given her best, in bringing up her children, providing best support to her husband, family and being the best employee. She was always successful in all her roles. If she has given her best, she has done her duty well. Her children were already strong enough to handle their life. Now she can just support them as and when required like supporting a good friend and leave the rest to them. She just needs to step back from protective nature and find her happiness too. If she is happy, everyone around will be happy.
She had a smile on her face and felt very light. She removed the clip from her hair and left it open. She pulled down the mirror and she smiled to herself. She felt a tinge of pride and happiness that probably no one else can take away from her.
She repeated to herself HAPPINESS IS HERE AND NOW…..