• Vidya Yedavalli

Why intelligent people find it hard to Love


"Raj, you did the same thing again", said Riya irritatingly. "What?" said Raj restlessly. He was getting ready for a business meeting over dinner and was in a rush. He thought "I don't have time for this right now; will see when I come back".

Riya as if read his thoughts said "you don't have time to even hear me out now." Raj paused, turned to Riya and said "I don't know why you make fuss over such small things. Yes, I didn't come to the event last evening. I know it was important to you but I was busy. Why don't you understand and just let it be. I have no time right now. Will come back and talk to you". As he said this he picked up his phone from the table and briskly walked out of the room. Riya kept staring at the door Raj just walked out.

Suddenly she broke into tears. She felt helpless and frustrated. Things have changed so much between them over last five years. She felt Raj was going away from her with every passing day. Communication just seemed impossible between the two and often ending up in arguments. At the end, each night they went to bed disturbed to wake-up to a busy schedule not having any time to resolve the past issues. Rather they did not give priority to resolve things. Both felt they care for each other however when they come face to face landed up in fights unknowingly and wondered what had just happened.

***

Sounds familiar?

This happens when two people are interacting from different zones; one from Head and the other from Heart. Both seem to be right in their place yet not joining anywhere making conversations and relationships difficult.

Emotions are natural to human beings even though each one’s anchor is different. Mind needs logic to things and it comes naturally to it. Unfortunately emotions and logic never meets.

My friends & clients often ask me - Why intelligent people find it hard to love deeply and here are a few reasons:

Reason 1:

Love means surrendering and doing things to make the beloved happy. This sounds like giving away controls and it is a real no-no to the intelligent ones.

Reason 2:

Expression of emotions sounds illogical to the intelligent mind after a while. It feels it is acting stupid if it is there for a long time. So the mind looks for avenues to escape into some activity trap.

Reason 3:

Love often does not produce any material benefits. It is just a state to rejoice. To the intelligent every effort should produce some tangible and measurable results. Since this does not happen in love, one simply does not see any motivation being there.

Reason 4:

Intelligent people are good at cost-benefit analysis. They feel time has to be really spent on gathering knowledge and wealth. Love can wait.

Reason 5:

When love is processed through mind it appears to be a bunch of feelings and reactions. Since the mind cannot fully understand these feelings, love is considered to be unimportant beyond a point and the boundaries are set for such relationships.

Reason 6:

Loosing identity is difficult for the one with high self-esteem. Love calls for merging and losing self. This is scary to the intelligent mind and it becomes cautious in such moments.

Reason 7:

Love calls for sacrifice and perseverance without any evident results. Mind wants calculated risks and action. It wants to be on always on move which is against the nature of love.

Well it is not necessary to be in love if one does not want to be. However it is also important to understand that a loving heart attracts more happiness in this world than the intelligent minds.

An unloving intelligent person is like a machine in human body equivalent to a robot that works very efficiently but lacks human touch. And an over emotional person is like a balloon filled with water that can burst anytime. Attaining perfect balance of both is the goal worth pursuing although at the end it would be realized that love is supreme of all and engulfs everything in this world.


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